Neverside

Logically speaking (funny)

Heh, I collected these from the internet. They are pretty amusing =)

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.

If I save time, when do I get it back?

I was born intelligent, education ruined me.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... What more can I say!

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY.
- So what? Whoâ??s in a hurry?

When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

When people say "Life is short." What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What? Are they going to do something that's longer?

When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask you "Did the bus come yet?" If the bus came I would not be standing here.

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give you a choice there, did they?

Some People get off their *** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?

Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop!

Can you do anything that other people canâ??t?
Sure, I can read my handwriting!

Should women have children after 35?
-No, 35 children are enough

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep!

Living on Earth may be expensive...but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun!

Anyone know more of these?

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LIFE¬ SUCKS

Some of those are awesome

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Xplozive

funny

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If the police arrest a mime, does he still have the right to remain silent?

Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If a pit bull humps your leg youâ??d better fake an orgasm.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks youâ??re a twat.

Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually youâ??ll be right.

The easiest way to find something thatâ??s lost is to buy a replacement.

How come when you open a can of evaporated milk itâ??s still there?

Why is there only one Monopolies commission?

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

Guns don't kill people - Husbands who come home early kill people.

Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Last edited by Sesse, May 11th, 2005 05:55 PM (Edited 1 times)

Quote:

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

That one isn't funny, it's a misunderstanding of the concept of evolution.

Quote:

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

If it's referring to 0 degrees Celcius, it will be -136.5 C (-213.7 Farenheit) tomorrow. If it refers to 0 degrees Farenheit then it will be -229.81 Farenheit (-145.45 C) tomorrow.

Quote:

If the police arrest a mime, does he still have the right to remain silent?

Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually youâ??ll be right.

Those are my favourites

Quote:

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

This one is pretty stupid as well.

They wore helmets so that if they got shot whilst flying, they could still crash into their desired target, rather than just crash any old place.

Haha.
Good stuff.

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I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Unintended Theory | Cacrew v4

fun with math:
The temperature of heaven can be rather accurately computed. Our authority is the Bible, Isaiah 30:26 reads, Moreover, the light of the moon shall be as the light of the sun and the light of the sun shall be sevenfold as the light of seven days. Thus, heaven receives from the moon as much radiation as the earth does from the sun, and in addition seven times seven (forty nine) times as much as the earth does from the sun, or fifty times in all. The light we receive from the moon is one ten-thousandth of the light we receive from the sun, so we can ignore that. With these data we can compute the temperature of heaven: The radiation falling on heaven will heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation. In other words, heaven loses fifty times as much heat as the earth by radiation. Using the Stefan-Boltzmann fourth power law for radiation

(H/E)4 = 50

where E is the absolute temperature of the earth, 300�K (273 27). This gives H the absolute temperature of heaven, as 798� absolute (525�C).

The exact temperature of hell cannot be computed but it must be less than 444.6�C, the temperature at which brimstone or sulfur changes from a liquid to a gas. Revelations 21:8: But the fearful and unbelieving... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." A lake of molten brimstone [sulfur] means that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, which is 444.6�C. (Above that point, it would be a vapor, not a lake.)

We have then, temperature of heaven, 525�C (977�F). Temperature of hell, less than 445�F). Therefore heaven is hotter than hell.

ULTIMATE LOGIC

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yeah i did it

I'm sure heaven must have some sort of air conditioning, otherwise that would suck.

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heh heh heh... good stuff.

"its mind over matter: I don't mind, because you don't matter"
"no one cares. I'm no one, and i don't care." (which would mean that no one doesn't care, but oh well, logic-boys)

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http://www.gkzn.net !