Neverside

Quote:

Originally posted by spike
remember, the only ones who are serious about this are the ones who do not tell.

Completely untrue. There are people that are serious about it, but NEED to tell in order to resolve their own feelings. Sometimes it takes just getting what you're thinking/feeling out in the open to help you examine it.

Some people "flaunt" their cutting. Some do it for attention. Some people use it as an escape from.. whatever. Any way you look at it though, the people need help. Whether it's getting help for their obvious attention thriving, or for their depression/other problems.

___________________

This site is as dead as my website.

Quote:

Originally posted by Lady Firelyght
Any way you look at it though, the people need help.

i agree with your other points to some extent Lady Firelyght
however, i find it hard to agree on this one, sorry.

some (not all) are very much in control, have no psy problems.
& to some it's just a 'fetish'.

___________________

If it can't be repeated, don't say it.

Quote:

Originally posted by HardcoreGoth
Thanks a lot all of you...
I share your opinion on every topic.

I only showed the scars in the past few days to my best friend, because he saw them, and was wondering if i need help... I don't and I do. Mixed emotions.. Some of you like Jason123456 will poke fun at me for posting this at a webpage, but this is the safest place away from my love, my family, my friends.

Throughout my life i experienced depression, depression, suicidal behavior, more depression.. I was happy rarely, on opposition to people who are depressed rarely. Then I got indulged into drugs to try and relieve the mental pain that way building up inside, and threatening to blow in my face.

When it did, people smiled, patted me on the back and just said, it's all ok, it's all going to be ok... But it never went ok. Now life sure seems ok to a normal person. I got a beautiful caring girlfriend that i love and that loves me back. I have got caring friends. But... My mind has developped paranoia.. I keep thinking she will dump me, leave me, cheat on me... Everyday i think of it.. Everyday. I think my friends are about to backstab me.

And the worst part of it is: i can't control my mind. Depression... Paranoiia... It's all there, but I am not. 2 days ago I remembered a thing I would've laughed at 2 years ago. And now it's hapenning to me... Cutting.

It allows my mind to let go of paranoiia and depression, and just be happy I am alive.. But then the relief is gone, and i'm double as down. Like a fallen angel feeling sorrow for the lost paradise.

I am not asking for pity or sympathy, mistake me not. I am just trying to spill out my feelings...

I am going to try to stop cutting and try to go to a counsellor or something... Because, I can't cut forever, someday it may end badly. On the second thought i can't go to a counsellor....

Thanks for reading this far.

The best way i have found to deal with paranoia when i am faced with it is to actually question myself on the subject, each time it happened.

To realize the fault help solve the problem.

By asking myself these questions when i was confused, it helped a lot.

Sorry if my post has nothing to do about the cutting, i just tought it was much more wise to actually try to give her some advices instead.

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Blog.

Last edited by lucidique, October 27th, 2004 04:44 AM (Edited 1 times)

lucidique you're right on the mark there.

please note: every person is different so this is general not exact, each persons warrents a different approach to their situation. this is just from posts and is no way an exact to every person. thank you
See inside the quote for my respones...

Quote:

Originally posted by HardcoreGoth
Thanks a lot all of you...
I share your opinion on every topic.

I only showed the scars in the past few days to my best friend, because he saw them, and was wondering if i need help... I don't and I do. Mixed emotions.. Some of you like Jason123456 will poke fun at me for posting this at a webpage, but this is the safest place away from my love, my family, my friends.

STEP 1 IS ADMITTING SOMETHING IS WRONG>>>GOOD FOR U.
ignorance is everywhere, just weed it out, grab what you can from the topic, if it pisses you off, it's obviously not good, so dump it. you'll come across lots of this in life, learn to handle it.

I welcome you here, say whatever you want, i will listen/read.
Nothing you could say could offend me & i'll be as straight forward as possible in return.
there's no use in me lying to you or trying to ridicule or decieve u?

You have a love, that's awesome in itself...

Throughout my life i experienced depression, depression, suicidal behavior, more depression..

DID NOBODY NOTICE THIS?

I was happy rarely, on opposition to people who are depressed rarely. Then I got indulged into drugs to try and relieve the mental pain that was building up inside, and threatening to blow in my face.

ILLEGAL DRUGS, SOMETIMES HELPS AT THE BEGINNING BUT OVER TIME NOT A GOOD IDEA, PRESCRIBED IS SOMETIMES JUST AS BAD, SOMETIMES DRUGS CAN MAKE THE SITUATION WORSE. (steroids are the worst)

When it did, people smiled, patted me on the back and just said, it's all ok, it's all going to be ok... But it never went ok.

BLIND PEOPLE OR JUST IN DENIAL, DON"T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT SO THEY IGNORE IT < THUS MAKING IT WORSE.(JUST 1 SCENERIO)

you obviously see this, so your best approach is to confront it,
for example sit down with your parents and tell them exactly what is going on. don't hold back anything, blow them away.
get the rush out of that. (i'm guessing you have parents)
(there are things such as incest that i would by pass the parents on. (this is a whole other ball of wax, so-to speak)

Now life sure seems ok to a normal person. I got a beautiful caring girlfriend that i love and that loves me back. I have got caring friends. But... My mind has developped paranoia.. I keep thinking she will dump me, leave me, cheat on me...

There's no such thing as 'normal'.
You're 15 (by the post), you're very young, you still have approx. 50 to 65 or more years to live, during this time you're gonna meet lots of girls, and i mean lots of girls,
you're paranoia is typically at this age but nothing to fret over, (first love?,) and thinking this way can lead to problems between you and her, you say you love this girl & most importantly, she loves you, then in that you should trust, that's a part of love, without it, you're screwed and so will every relationship be thereafter.
And don't forget you're going threw a life cycle change, puberty.

Everyday i think of it.. Everyday. I think my friends are about to backstab me.

True love can not be displaced by friends or family. And friends who try this aren't friends at all. And you're gonna meet lots of people in your life, so don't fret over it. Also is she dumps you then her love wasn't true love. Infatuation is more the term.

the main focus for you is you, don't let anything anybody does or says pull you down. *remember* it's only words. it's you that takes them and turns it into something good or bad. there will always be someone out there trying to suck the life out of you. you must learn to cope with the harsh reality of the world. Let it make you stronger & a better person. People can be cruel, know this. YOU are the focus. Those people won't get you threw high-school, college, university, those people won't be working, supporting you finacially, those people won't be selecting your lifetime partner nor making your adult decision. But if let them suck the life out of you, you will be lost until you can deal with this fact.

And the worst part of it is: i can't control my mind. Depression... Paranoiia... It's all there, but I am not. 2 days ago I remembered a thing I would've laughed at 2 years ago. And now it's hapenning to me... Cutting.

do you eat...good full course meals, three times a day?
do you exercise an hour or more daily?
if not, try these.
if so, then it sounds to me like you have either/or
1. a chemical imbalance occuring. (more than likely since you mentioned throughout your life)
2. you may be deficient in the b vitamins as well (food)
lack of sun also causes these symptoms. (vitamin d)
& steroids can cause these symptoms.

It allows my mind to let go of paranoiia and depression, and just be happy I am alive.. But then the relief is gone, and i'm double as down. Like a fallen angel feeling sorrow for the lost paradise.

there are way better ways to feel alive. Skydiving, paintball, boxing, bungie jumping just to name a few.
Exactly the relief is gone, you need to release the adrenaline
and still retain that 'high' after. see above xsports.

I am not asking for pity or sympathy, mistake me not. I am just trying to spill out my feelings...

i can't offer pity or sympathy...
spill away.

I am going to try to stop cutting and try to go to a counsellor or something... Because, I can't cut forever, someday it may end badly. On the second thought i can't go to a counsellor....

don't try to stop. but don't kill yourself either.
first you must find the source of the problem then the rest will flow naturally into place.
i would suggest a doctor instead, counsellors are inexpereinced in this field. (school?) or even try a rabbi/priest/etc.

Thanks for reading this far.

as i was going threw other posts (drugs) & i noticed HardcoreGoth that you are presently coming off Extasy.
it causes these symptoms as well, however you said 'throughout your lifetime' so see a doctor for chemical inbalance.

For others, here's HardcoreGoth drug post

1. List the drugs you have used throghout your lifetime.
Weed, Alcohol, Nicotine, Exctasy, Mushrooms, Salvia

>>Salvia, isn't this sage?

2. List the drugs you have abused throughout your lifetime.
Weed, Nicotine, Extasy

3. Which drug did you/do you enjoy the most, and for which reason?
Extasy, It makes you feel invincible in a way and hyper. But then again i never will look at life the same way again.

4. Which drug are you most scared of, why?
Datura -- Insanity, Acid -- Insanity, PCP

>>>Datura, isn't this the thorn apple?

5. Which drug do you think is most dangerous, why?
Has to be Acid. From heroine there is addiction and all, but from acid you can easily commit suicide.

6. Do you currently do drugs, if so, which ones?
Dumped it all after getting panic attacks. Heres a theory to drug users... Is the life percepted the same way it was before you took the drug? is it? or maybe its not...

7. Do you have any regrets from doing drugs?
Yes. I got my paranoiia, low self esteem(low level of seratonin), depression and panic attacks from drugs...

Regards
One Life

___________________

If it can't be repeated, don't say it.

Last edited by onelife, October 27th, 2004 06:13 AM (Edited 1 times)

The Ecstasy scare: how to deal with the new threat - Drugs
Ebony, Nov, 2002 by Kevin Chappell

IT has been called "penicillin for the soul. Take it, and in short order your mind is blown, to the point of feeling good about everyone and everything. But the hype as usual is deceptive, for the drug that is spreading throughout Black neighorhoods can lead to seizures, strokes and even death.

Ecstasy--the street name given to Methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA)--can now be found in every state and virtually every town in America. It is evident in high schools, in clubs, at malls, anywhere teenagers gather. The drug, similar to LSD and Angel Dust in the `60s, first found a following in White, middle-class suburbs. But today it can be found in Black communities, inner cities, and rural Southern towns.

One $25 pill produces a high that lasts approximately four to six hours. Take more than one, either by "stacking," a term used to describe consuming many tablets at once, or "piggy-backing" a series of pills over a short period of time, and you may be able, some say, to endure two- to three-day parties without sleeping or eating. At these dance parties, wired teens convulse, gyrate and flail their bodies to music while sucking on pacifiers to keep from biting their tongues. (A side effect of Ecstasy is involuntary teeth-clenching.)

Marketed as a "hug drug" or "love drug," Ecstasy is anything but a benign drug. In fact, doctors, psychologists and researchers say this newest version of social lubricant is just as dangerous as well-known "hard" drugs, and they denounce it as "the worst new drug to hit the streets since heroin."

"Youth today are being misled by those who seek to profit off addiction and misery," says Asa Hutchinson, director of the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA). "Our kids are being told that club drugs like Ecstasy are safe. But we know better."

Ecstasy can also cause severe dehydration, nausea, cold sweats, chills, hallucinations, tremors, double vision, muscle cramps and increased body temperature. In fact, Ecstasy can raise a person's temperature as high as 105 to 117 degrees. When users want to "come down" from the effects of Ecstasy, they often have to resort to using other drugs, officials say.

Long-term after-effects of Ecstasy include anxiety, paranoia and depression. This is most likely attributed to the decreased levels of serotonin--a chemical that is used in learning, sleep, and integration of emotion--found in the brain for up to three weeks after Ecstasy use.

With all of the dangers, the widespread growth of the mind-altering drug has been nothing short of alarming. Even though numerous surveys indicate that overall drug use is down and that the number of teens willing to try or use illegal drugs continues to decline, the advances, unfortunately, are being partially offset by a rapid growth in the popularity of club drugs like Ecstasy.

Although fairly new in the American underground drug culture, Ecstasy has been known in the pharmaceutical community since its inception in 1912 by a German company that developed the drug as an appetite suppressant. In the 1970s, it re-emerged as an aid in psychotherapy, but was soon found to have little benefits in those circles. By the 1980s, Ecstasy had begun to surface in the illicit drug trade. In 1987, it was completely barred from use.

Despite its illegal status, the recreational use of Ecstasy has increased some 500 percent over a five-year period. Researchers and law enforcement officials say Ecstasy is used most often by young adults and teens at clubs, rock concerts, and raves (large, all-night dance parties).

The drug also has begun to appear in schools. In 2000, 8.2 percent of 12th-graders, 5.4 percent of 10th-graders and 3.1 percent of 8th-graders reported they had used Ecstasy in the past year. Today, 11 percent of high school seniors report they have tried the drug. In 2000, the DEA seized over 3 million tablets of Ecstasy, compared to slightly over 1 million tablets in 1999.

Nationwide, hospital emergency room mentions of the drug rose dramatically from 70 in 1993 to 2,850 in 1999. Seizures as a result of the drug have also increased drastically. Over a six-year period, the drug-related seizures have risen from a total of 196 in 1993 to 143,600 in 1998. In 1999, that figure more than doubled.

One explanation for the increase in overdoses is the prevalence of counterfeit Ecstasy pills. One study found that look-alike pills, including caffeine, speed, PCP or simple over-the-counter drugs, are passed off as Ecstasy 40 percent of the time. More troublesome perhaps is the fact that sometimes even more dangerous drugs are sold as Ecstasy.

Dr. Phillippe B. Cunningham, a professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Family Services Research Center of the Medical University of South Carolina, says parents are the first line of defense in guiding teens away from drugs like Ecstasy. "I always tell parents to err on the side of being too concerned rather than not concerned enough," he says. "Drugs in the Black community are a big problem, but parents, by being active in their child's life, can do a great deal to ensure their child doesn't go down that road."

Cunningham concedes that it is difficult to keep a close watch on children when both parents are working full-time. He suggests teaming up with other neighborhood parents and teachers in an effort to keep adult involvement at a high level. "When the consequences are weighed, it's definitely worth the extra effort," he says.

Last year, harsher penalties for Ecstasy offenses went into effect, treating it more seriously than cocaine and almost as seriously as heroin. Under the new penalties, less than half a pound of Ecstasy will trigger a five-year sentence; in comparison, it takes over a pound of cocaine to trigger a five-year sentence.

As the guidelines are presently configured, a first-time Ecstasy trafficker potentially faces 5 to 6 years incarceration. Federal prosecutors have also used the "Crackhouse Law" to prosecute nightclub promoters, arguing that clubs that host what are called "rave" Ecstasy parties, in essence, function as crackhouses.

"These drugs are deadly ...," DEA chief Hutchinson concludes. "We face a very real challenge."

THE DEADLY FACTS ABOUT ECSTASY

* Ecstasy is distributed in tablet form. Individual tablets are often imprinted with graphic designs or commercial logos, and typically contain 100 mg of MDMA.

* Ecstasy is usually ingested in tablet form, but can also be crushed and snorted, injected, or used in suppository form.

* In 2000, more than 6.4 million people age 12 and older reported that they have used Ecstasy at least once in their lives.

* Ecstasy is popular among middle-class adolescents and young adults.

* Ecstasy is sold primarily at legitimate nightclubs and bars, at underground nightclubs sometimes called "acid houses," or at all-night parties known as "raves."

* The vast majority of Ecstasy consumed domestically is produced in Europe.

* A limited number of Ecstasy laboratories operate in the United States.

* Law enforcement seized 17 clandestine Ecstasy laboratories in the United States in 2001, compared to 7 seized in 2000.

* Ecstasy costs as little as 25 to 50 cents per tablet to manufacture in Europe, but the street value of that same Ecstasy tablet in the United States can be as high as $40, with a tablet typically selling for between $20 and $30.

* In addition to chemical stimulation, the drug reportedly suppresses the need to eat, drink or sleep.

* When taken at "raves," where all-night dancing usually occurs among teens and young adults, the drug often leads to severe dehydration and can lead to heat stroke in the user because it has the effect of "short-circuiting" the body's temperature signals to the brain.

* An Ecstasy overdose is characterized by a rapid heartbeat, high blood pressure, faintness, muscle cramping, panic attacks, and, in more severe cases, seizures or loss of consciousness. One of the side effects of the drug is jaw muscle tension and teeth-grinding. As a consequence, Ecstasy users will often suck on pacifiers to help relieve the tension.

* Ecstasy may cause hypothermia, muscle breakdown, stroke, kidney and cardiovascular system failure, possible permanent damage to sections of brain that are critical to thought and memory, and death.
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_1_58/ai_97997764

___________________

If it can't be repeated, don't say it.

Quote:

Originally posted by HardcoreGoth
Thanks a lot all of you...
I share your opinion on every topic.

I only showed the scars in the past few days to my best friend, because he saw them, and was wondering if i need help... I don't and I do. Mixed emotions.. Some of you like Jason123456 will poke fun at me for posting this at a webpage, but this is the safest place away from my love, my family, my friends.

Now life sure seems ok to a normal person. I got a beautiful caring girlfriend that i love and that loves me back. I have got caring friends. But... My mind has developped paranoia.. I keep thinking she will dump me, leave me, cheat on me... Everyday i think of it.. Everyday. I think my friends are about to backstab me.

It allows my mind to let go of paranoiia and depression, and just be happy I am alive.. But then the relief is gone, and i'm double as down. Like a fallen angel feeling sorrow for the lost paradise.

Well, if you had loving and caring friends, they would not backstab you, so there is no need to worry about this. Now, if you thought that I was poking fun at you, i wasnt, I was just trying to give you MY point of view. Now, on to the topic, if cutting really made people feel better, you would hear about it, but the fact is, you hear negative facts about it. Now, I have a high set of morals, I beleive that as a friend of someone, I would not let anyone do anything that would harm their body like this, may it be Drugs, Alcohol, or cutting themselves, I just wouldnt stand for it, becuase it is just downright stupid. Now, I myself would never let friends or myself do anything like this to themselves.

If you took this as an insult, please dont, Im just giving you my honest opinion on the topic, and if you wanted to stop, its as simple as removing all the blades from your house and just get outside, do something fun, play football, basketball, whatever you can enjoy without self-inflicting pain on yourself.

Good luck

___________________

Jason

Quote:

Originally posted by Jason1234
Well, if you had loving and caring friends, they would not backstab you

just like to give a difrent side of that lil bit

my best frends (part from hanna) would rip 7 kinds of **** out of me if they found me cuting my self e.g. why you doing it ask me and phill **** we would do a better job (phills traing to b a tree sergon so he has a chain saw) take your arm strate off

but i know there allways there for me were like family (how ever corny that sounds) so just becouse freands rip you to shreads dosnt mean there not looking out for you

returning to the topic now

Quote:

Originally posted by drew000
just like to give a difrent side of that lil bit

my best frends (part from hanna) would rip 7 kinds of **** out of me if they found me cuting my self e.g. why you doing it ask me and phill **** we would do a better job (phills traing to b a tree sergon so he has a chain saw) take your arm strate off

but i know there allways there for me were like family (how ever corny that sounds) so just becouse freands rip you to shreads dosnt mean there not looking out for you

returning to the topic now

friends are great...however some can make a situation worse without realising they are doing so.
if you're a cutter see above

___________________

If it can't be repeated, don't say it.

One basically controls how they feel, it's just hard to figure how to control it. I've only discovered recently...It's like those days you have that it seems like everybody hates you, and everybody is treating you badly. Then a couple days later you have one of those days where it seems everyone is abnormally nice to you. Now, is it realy logical to think that everyone else in the world changes uniformly? No. It's how you take things.

Girlfriends dumping you, friends backstabbing you, etc are all parts of life. Anyone who makes frineds loses some friends too. It's just not something to worry about. It's not going to make you any less of a person. If they do something wrong, heck, tough nuts for them, they are the ones who just got the 'bad karma' so to speak.

I remember seeing on spin city, paul riser, this fat balding, almost-retarded guy was under the influence of some medication, and this supermodel was hitting on him and he kep resisting. he finally said yes to going out, then dumped her. When the medicine he took finally wore off, he's like "Wow! This is great! I just dumped a spermodel!"

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I did the atkins diet for only two weeks, and I lost 14 days!

"Decker, your sig still.." rocks
Love, Phil

I think cutting ones self is repulsive, I know from experience. I had a 'punk' friend that was a depressed girl who would cut herself, these are the only words i can put it into: ITS FREAKING GROSS, dont do it, you will be stronger for it!

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Corona Master.