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English Essay Revisions

Hey, I wrote one of my 5 essays due for my English 10 class on Les Miserables. I read the book, looked a lil bit on Sparknotes, but now I need help on the grammatical type problems in my essay. My parents are too busy with work to help me out. This is also my first post on this site. I hope I can get some help. I just need somebody to point out what I'm doing, tell me what I did wrong, and how I could correct it to be. Also, if I need more detail or I should cite something or whatever. I really suck at essays, lol. Here are the directions:

Summer Reading For in-coming Sophomore Honors
+Read Les Miserables by Victor Hugo(abridged version ) Responses should be typed.
+Due Date the first day of school(aug. 27) fall semester

*Be sure to take notes while reading to be able to identify characters, themes, general plot development for the objective test, administered August 28, 2003.
*For further information, contact ****** etc etc etc

Directions
+Type your responses on separate sheets of paper. 5 papers total
+Type your answers in correct essay form. Use specific examples and appropriate detail to support your answers. Cite all quoted materials paranthetically.
+Proofread and edit your answers.
+Turn in rough draft and final copies.

Introduction
In this novel, Jean Valjean, an ex-convict, tries to live an ordinary life, but circumstances he cannot control always intervene. Victor Hugo vividly portrays the poverty and futility of Parisian life in the early nineteenth century.

Questions

1. Relate Jean Valjean's difficulties immediately after he is released from prison after nineteen years, including his experience with the Bishop of Digne.

That first question is supposed to be the first of my 5 essays, and I have to turn in a rough and final draft for each one!!! I've already done the rough draft for that first essay, but I really suck at English and need help for the final!

Here is my rough draft for the first essay:

Daniel Lucas
English 10 Honors
Summer Reading
8/6/03

Valjean's difficulties immediately after release from prison

Life after prison was not easy for Jean Valjean. Since Valjean had been a former convict for the past nineteen years, none of the innkeepers nor civilians would trust him. Valjean attempted to stay at the inn of La Croix de Colbas in Digne. However, the innkeeper learned that Valjean had been a former convict and told him "I cannot receive you." Forced to leave the inn, Valjean went on. He came to a tavern in the Rue Chaffaut. Unfortunately, one of the men at the table a table near Valjean had seen him earlier that same morning while Valjean was travelling between Bras d' Asse and Escoublon. This man spoke privately to the tavern-keeper and told him that Jean Valjean was an ex-convict. The tavern-keeper returned to Valjean and commanded him to leave. Valjean then continued on toward the prison where he was sent away again.
As Valjean moved on he came upon a joyous-looking house. The father was laughing, the child was laughing, and the mother was smiling. Thinking he could not be turned away, Valjean faintly rapped on the window. No one heard him. He rapped a second and third time until finally the father opened the door. The father demanded to know who Valjean was and why he did not stay at an inn. In the midst of Valjean's explanation, the father finally became aware of who Valjean was. The father screamed at Valjean, "Get Out!" The father closed the door violently and Valjean was again forced to go on.
The night went on as Valjean perceived a hut which seemed to be made of turf. He crawled into the hut and found a good bed made of straw. However, in a few moments Valjean heard a ferocoius growling and looking up saw the head of an enormous bull-dog at the opening of the hut. He then realized that the hut was in reality a dog-kennel. With difficulty, Valjean managed to get over the fence and back in the street.
Valjean continued on into a square with a printing-office on the corner. He sat down to rest in front of this printing-office. He had not sat there long when a woman by the name of Madame la Marquise de R---- came and spoke to him. She referred him to stay at the house next to the bishop's palace. Finally, Valjean was accepted and received a meal and bed for the night.
Towards the middle of the night, Jean Valjean awoke. Seizzing the opportunity, he stole some silver from the bishop, went across the bishop's room with hasty stride, careless of noise, reached the door, entered the oratory, ran across the garden, leaped over the wall, and fled.
The next morning, the bishop of Digne was in the garden workin when a fierce group of three men came holding Jean Valjean by the collar. However, the bishop, instead of scolding Valjean for stealing the silver, told Valjean that he was to keep the silver as a gift. In fact, the bishop gave Valjean some silver candlesticks also, a gift worth two hundred frances.
The bishop made Valjean make a promise to use the silver he had given him in order to become an honest man. Valjean accepts the bishop's grace and leaves the city immediately. Later in Les Miserables, Valjean maintains his promise and becomes wealthy.

Oh, and ummm... What does it mean in the directions when it says "Use specific examples and appropriate detail to support your answers. Cite all quoted materials paranthetically."

What does paranthetically mean???

In parenthesies, ie ( ) <-- these things

___________________

Why do we have to learn English? I speaks da *****

DOH! Now I feel stupid :P

Here is an updated version of my essay:

Daniel Lucas
English 10 Honors
Summer Reading
8/6/03

Valjean's difficulties immediately after release from prison

Life after prison was not easy for Jean Valjean. Since Valjean had been a former convict for the past nineteen years, none of the innkeepers nor civilians would trust him. Valjean attempted to stay at the inn of La Croix de Colbas in Digne. However, the innkeeper learned that Valjean had been a former convict and told him "I cannot receive you."(page 5) Forced to leave the inn, Valjean went on searching like a Vagabond. He came to a tavern in the Rue Chaffaut. Unfortunately, one of the men at a table near Valjean had seen him earlier that same morning while he was travelling between Bras d' Asse and Escoublon. This man spoke privately to the tavern-keeper and informed him that Jean Valjean was an ex-convict. The tavern-keeper returned to Valjean and commanded him to leave. Valjean then continued on toward the prison where he was rejected yet again.
As Valjean vagrantly moved on he came upon a joyous-looking house. The father was laughing, the child was laughing, and the mother was smiling. Thinking he could not be turned away, Valjean faintly rapped on the window. No one heard him. He rapped a second and third time until finally the father opened the door. The father demanded to know who Valjean was and why he did not stay at an inn. In the midst of Valjean's explanation, the father finally became aware that Valjean was the ex-convict who was passing through town. The father screamed at Valjean, "Get Out!"(page 10) The father closed the door violently and Valjean was again forced to move on.
The night went on as Valjean perceived a hut which seemed to be made of turf. He crawled into the hut and found a good bed made of straw. However, in a few moments Valjean heard a ferocoius growling and looking up saw the head of an enormous bull-dog at the opening of the hut. He then realized that the hut was in reality a dog-kennel. With difficulty Valjean managed to get over the fence and back in the street.
Valjean continued on into a square with a printing-office on the corner. He sat down to rest lackadaisically in front of this printing-office. He had not sat there long when a woman by the name of Madame la Marquise de R---- came and spoke to him. After explaining his story to Madame la Marquise, she referred him to stay at the house next to the bishop's palace. This house served as an asylum for criminals and the more unfortunate of mankind. Finally, with ecstasie in his heart,Valjean was accepted and received a meal and bed for the night.
Towards the middle of the night Jean Valjean awoke. Seizzing the opportunity, he reluctantly stole some silver from the bishop, went across the bishop's room with hasty stride, careless of noise, reached the door, entered the oratory, ran across the garden, leaped over the wall, and fled.
The next morning, the bishop of Digne was working in the garden when a fierce group of three men appeared holding Jean Valjean by the collar. They said that the man had been caught running away with some silver. However, the forgiving bishop, instead of scolding Valjean for stealing the silver, told Valjean that he was to keep the silver he had stolen plus some silver candlesticks as a gift.
The bishop made Valjean make a promise to use the silver he had given him in order to give up his pestiferous ways and become an honest man. The inundation of the bishop's grace was too much for Valjean. He accepted the bishop's silver and made the promise and leaves the city immediately. The candlesticks helped Valjean to remember his promise and abide by it. Valjean kept his promise piously throughout his life. He learned that love and compassion prevail over all things.

It reads like more of a story than an essay. And it seems rather short, is that deliberate or is this unfinished?

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PurePhotoshop Forums

No, this is the whole thing. I'll try to make it more like an essay...

However, the innkeeper learned that Valjean had been a former convict and told him "I cannot receive you."

I don't have time to go over it, but I did find this error.

Place a comma after HIM.

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jan

A smile is a curve that sets many things straight.

I know this is a bit late, but erm... you still have time before it's due... hopefully.
I find it best when writing an essay to use the 5 paragraph format.

Paragraph one, being the introductory and also the hardest paragraph, starting with something to capture the reader, leading to the thesis statement at the end of the paragraph.
The next three paragraphs, which are also known as the body, usually compare three similar things. But whether or not one want to do this is up the writer. Also remember to have the thesis statement at the beginning of each paragraph. I already assume that you know how to write a paragraph, so I will not get in to that. Another good thing to remember when writing is to not use second person comment, "you." It's best to exchange "you" for "one." And don't forget to have transitions from paragraph to paragraph restating the main idea.
The fifth and final paragraph, also known as the conclusion, is basically a repetition of the introductory paragraph. But remember, do not begin with "In conclusion," or something related to that. The reader already knows it's a summary, and if you say it again, it will seem condescending.

I hope that helps for writing this and any other essays you have.

Now on to grammatical corrections:

The corrections are in bold.

Quote:

Valjean attempted to stay at the inn of La Croix de Colbas in Digne, however, the innkeeper learned that Valjean had been a former convict and told him, "I cannot receive you."(page 5)

Just so you know, it's better to use pronouns (eg. he, she, him, her) rather than always using Valjean.

Quote:

As Valjean moved on, he came upon a joyous-looking house.

Quote:

The father and child were laughing, while the mother was smiling.

Quote:

The father screamed at Valjean, "Get Out!" and he closed the door violently, while Valjean was again forced to go on.

Quote:

With difficulty, Valjean managed to get over the fence and back in the street.

Quote:

Seizing the opportunity, he stole some silver from the bishop, went across the bishop's room with hasty stride, careless of noise, reached the door, entered the oratory, ran across the garden, leaped over the wall, and fled.

Kind of choppy. You shouldn't use so many commas. Try to make it longer with sentences.

Erm... Kryptonite is right, this is more like a story than an essay. Try to use the tips I gave you, to make it a better explanation.

I hope I helped in time.

Thx for your comments!